hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
