i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
