I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
