we have pet lesbian snakes
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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