i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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