finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
