Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
