Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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