I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
