And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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