oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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