party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
