it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
