I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
