Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
