Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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