Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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