dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often