we're chasing vodka with high fives
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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