wake up i wanna do it froggy style
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.