First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
