stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
