Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
