you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
