I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
