I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
