The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The beer is more important than you right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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