well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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