his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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