I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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