Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
