I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
