So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
