her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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