A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Everything about him screamed your future.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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