My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
