they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
