i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
