i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
