Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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