doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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