I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
