nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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