I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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