My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
