Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize