shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
