neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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