2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
