jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
