Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
