Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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