Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
