how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
