bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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