My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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