Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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