He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize