i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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