Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
